Mid June Jon started to lose ground with this awful disease, and he started chemo for the last time. June 16th, that is the day my life was yet again turned upside down.
We went along for chemo, which this time was to be given at a reduced dose, and that reduced dose would be given over two weeks. The chemo passed with no problems....until the evening.
Jon was sleeping, which was nothing unusual these days, but when he awoke he had a slight temperature and seemed confused. I got onto the triage nurse, who said I had to get him to A&E, which I did...by ambulance. Blue lights going and A&E on alert for him......at this point I did not know about the latter part. Blood tests done, head scan done and obs done. His blood sugar was sky high, his oxygen levels were quite low and Pneumonia was diagnosed.
He was kept overnight (not a good experience!) and the next day was admitted to the local hospice. They gave him IV antibiotics and fluids. After a few days we thought all was starting to level out, how wrong could we be!
A few days later, on 23rd June, Jon took a turn for the worst.......
I was told to get all the family that needed to be there to come up, Jon was unresponsive.....
We stayed all night and were expecting the worst. But, Jon being Jon decided his time was not up just yet! Later the following morning he came round :) He was far from well, but was back with us. I have never been so grateful to see those eyes open and wondering what all the fuss was about lol
If it wasn't for the hospice staff, doing all they could for my darling Jon, he would not be here today. I cannot thank them enough!
Since then Jon has remained in the hospice receiving treatment, it's almost three weeks now and I miss him more than I can ever say.
He has lost some ground now, but is fighting his way back to being as good as he can be. He now has to have oxygen from time to time and this has also been installed at home for when he is well enough to come home. If he has to walk any distance or is particularly tired he now has a walking aid, I am so proud that he realises these sort of aids are there for his benefit and nothing more.
Adjusting to life with help can be hard, but if you want quality of life I think you must, as time moves on, use what you can and not think of the negatives in using aids. It is a small price to pay to go on living and being as independent as you can.
During this time I have been at my lowest ebb, the feeling of terror, loneliness and complete powerlessness have at times overwhelmed me. I have relied very heavily on my children to help me through, particularly my lovely daughter Donna.
While Jon has been in the hospice we lost our beloved greyhound Boss, he took very poorly and I had alot of rushing round trying to get help for him. Sadly nothing could be done even though the vet did all in her power to try to save him. Boss was "our baby" and kneeling next to him stroking his head while he was put out of his misery, broke my heart.
I then had to tell Jon our "baby" was gone.
It seems that everything has come at once.....I am tired, I am sad and I am lonely.
I am now looking to when Jon can come home, this will be in a week or two if all goes well, and I CAN'T WAIT!
This has been the hardest period in my life as a wife and carer, I thought it had been hard before this, but, boy was I wrong. It brought the reality of losing Jon so much closer, and I don't like it one bit!
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On a lighter note, we attended the first screening of the hospice dvd night, this dvd is to be used for training and possibly fundraising. Jon was asked to take part in it's making along with other patients and carers, he did a wonderful job and I am again so proud of him. He got an award certificate for his part in the making :)
It was a wonderful evening and it was nice to get "dressed up" we don't do that as often now.
Life is hard, very hard, but it also has a wonderful side! He is here with me and will be for a while yet!
The motto is--- NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!! Life is too precious to do that.
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