September 18th 2012, a Tuesday....that date is forever set in my mind. The day that my darling Jon's cancer was confirmed, NSCLC stage 4, inoperable, incurable.
So, what do you do when presented with that information?
In the first place, I was in a state of shock, then panic, then despair.
The staff at the hospital were wonderful, cups of tea and information in abundance, and trying to guide us through all the information. My brain sort of went into slow motion mode as I tried to deal with it all. So many leaflets,booklets, sheets of papers; just too much all at once.
We had an appointment made for Jon to see the consultant and start treatment. We were told Jon had, on average, six months to live if he didn't have any treatment........ six months? that's not any time at all.
I kept the thought in my head, no! they must have made a mistake...this doesn't happen to us. It's not what is supposed to happen to us, this is NOT my life plan! But someone forgot to tell cancer about my life plan.
Anyway, Jon opted for treatment and Chemotherapy was the first line treatment....and so it starts.
A combination chemotherapy of Carboplatin/Vinorelbine was to be started as soon as possible, we had been told to keep everything at home spotless in case of infection.
Well, that was it!! I went into hyper mode, looking back it's quite funny now, if it moved in any way, it got antibacterial sprays, liquids or wipes thrown at it ( including people and dogs!).
If Jon touched anything remotely mucky I was there with the antibacterial hand wash, and he HAD to wash his hands whatever he thought. Then came the hand gel, the type you get in hospitals when entering the ward, we both had to use it regularly or I would stress out. All this, in my mind, was making sure there was no infection "going to get him". In fact looking back, it was just stressing me out, nothing more.
I knew stress levels had got high when I had a doctor's appointment and arrived still wearing my slippers! I was mortified, Jon was very amused with the whole thing. I sat in the waiting room with my handbag on my feet, trying to hide the slippers!
After that I had to take a step back and try to look at the whole picture and calm down as much as I could. (yeah right, like that's going to happen!)
Life will never be the same again and I will miss the life we had, but, this is a new chapter in our lives. Every new chapter has it's ups and downs, and through this, there will be tears and sadness, some anger, it will have it's smiles and laughter, but most of all it will have the strong, everlasting, deep love that will see us through anything!
I cannot believe how strong, brave and positive my darling Jon is being, no matter what is thrown at him he takes it on board and deals with it.
That is the mark of a man, my man.
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