In a couple of weeks it will be three years since Jon died...where the hell did all that time go?
Can't say life has been or is easy...in fact in some ways it has got worse.
I still miss him beyond words, he is still the first thing I think about when I wake up and last thing I think about when I go to bed, think it will always be that way.
I go over in my head everything that was "us" from the day we met until the day we parted.....I wouldn't miss any of it. In saying that, I would leave out the part that bloody cancer decided to raise it's ugly head.
I know that I have let him down since he passed away, he wanted me to carry on with life and not stay alone. Can't find a way to carry on.....don't want to find "a replacement" it wouldn't be fair anyway.....no one could ever come near how I felt/feel for Jon.
Funny how folk think that 3 years in, I should be sorted now and doing what needs to be done to carry on with life. Obviously they have never lost someone as close as Jon and I were, I really believe we were/are soul mates and that if there is an afterlife, we will be together then.
In some ways I envy people who can actually pick up their life again after they've taken some time out to deal with their loss.
My life revolves round my children and grandchildren now, it's a life that sometimes (quite a lot really) can be lonely and sometimes it can be tiring.
The loss of my lovely Tilly this year really upset me, my last link with Jon.....we picked her together and loved her together along with our first grey, Boss. So now, apart from myself, there is no longer a living link ( for me) with my darling....which makes me sad.
Christmas is on the horizon again, I go through the motions, partly enjoy it, mainly because of my grandchildren. Love them to bits :) I still love Christmas, but it's not the same as it used to be.
I wonder, how long will I feel like a ship drifting about in the water not going anywhere.
Is this it? Is this what happens when you lose the other half of you? And the big question is......how do you deal with it?
If you have the answer please leave it in the comment box below.............
