9. Thoughts from my mind

Sitting here with a cup of tea, mulling over what has gone on with Jon and me...

Ten blissful months ago we were totally unaware as to what was to lie before us in fact we had just returned from a camping holiday in France. I knew something was wrong because Jon had become ill on our last day there, but never did I dream it would be the start of a long fight with cancer.

Ten years ago, I married my soulmate in a simple ceremony with some of our family and friends there. A day that will stay etched in my memory forever, a day when all of my dreams came true. As I say, it was a simple wedding just the local Town Hall and a social club occasion later, but for me it was a fairy tale, I was marrying the man I loved and adored. Life couldn't be better!
We settled into married life easily and loved each minute spent together, first in a flat and then into our first house together. A little house that now has big memories of our  life, and will have more memories of love and laughter, but also of our struggle together with cancer. But, it's a house/home that knows the depth of our love, the lengths we will go to for each other. If walls could speak they would tell you of all the good times, the laughs and outright silliness of our life together. We have had our ups and downs as everyone does, but compared to the good times the not so good are insignificant.

In our time together, we have become proud grandparents of our adorable grandchildren, Olivia and Isaac, I cannot tell you how much they enrich our life. If you feel a little down when the little ones come for a visit, by the time they have gone your spirits have lifted. Olivia is a little dancing queen and loves to show you her dance moves from dance class. And Isaac? Oh Isaac, he is laughter on legs with the speed of a hurricane...you can always be sure of a chuckle when he is in the room.

My children, I have four of my own and Jon has two, we adore them all equally and are so proud of each individual and what they have achieved in life so far. I am also a proud mother in law to Louise and Sarah (almost) and maybe in the future Lauren.
I have three sons, Karl, Steven and David and one daughter, Donna-Marie, they have all been very supportive to us in many ways....always a shoulder there for me.
I can't imagine going through all of this without my family there in the back ground, ready to catch us when we fall. They are my safety net, I'm sure they don't know how much I/we need them at this time, all six of them.

In the stillness of a quiet room, my mind wanders back through the time since we married. Pictures of happy times, fun times and also realising that we have it all as regards what it means to have absolute love. It makes me happy to look around at photos ( and believe me there are many!) and remember when they were taken and what we were doing at that time.
You take life for granted when you're young or at a stage in your life when all is well and going wonderfully...then as we did, you get a wake up call!! I am guilty of not living each day to it's utmost, until now, now little things that used to upset me don't matter any more. Time runs through your fingers like sand, and before you know it, it's running out...if you take nothing more from this blog, please don't waste time, it's so precious. Do things that make you happy, if something is wrong change it! Love the people you hold dear because when time runs out, there is no second chance.

Overall in my life I have been blessed, lucky enough to have had my four darling children who mean the world to me, I love them dearly. I also have been lucky to come to know Jon's two children, Sarah and Jason. I know Sarah a little more than Jason as he lives in the Isle of Man. Sarah is a delight, so full of smiles and laughter..she reminds me so much of her dad. She too is there if I need her, but she is there for her dad seeing him every week for their Sunday afternoons together. This makes him so happy and I'm pleased that they are able to spend this important time together.

Family means everything, do not take it for granted my friends....you will never know when you may need to call on them for help and support.

If nothing more, cancer has made me take a second look at my life and learn that some things are so petty, it really doesn't matter.

8. St John's Hospice Wirral...... The House of Angels :)

Now, this hospice is full of angels, they for the most part wear uniforms of one sort or another and the biggest smiles you will ever see.
These ladies and gentlemen are a lifeline Jon and myself have come to depend on and admire, they are selfless. From the volunteers who give their time, skills and smiles freely, right through to the top of the staffing line, who give us so much care and compassion. I will never be able to thank them enough for what they do for Jon and myself.

When we first went along to the hospice to see it and had an appointment with the consultant, there was something, to a certain degree, behind it. It is Jon's wish that when the time comes, if possible he would like to spend his last days here. The reason behind this at the time, was, he thought it would be easier for me if he was here....I could take a break and recharge my batteries knowing he was in safe hands. I'm not sure about taking breaks, but I see what he means. The hospice is quite small and he wanted to get himself known to them so he would stand a chance of being admitted when the time comes.
Anyway, after seeing the consultant Jon was asked if he would like to try the day center once a week.....he agreed, but I think we were both doubtful that this would really be his thing. But give it a try he did.
Arriving home after the first visit, he seemed very impressed with the whole thing....it wasn't full of sad miserable people waiting for god. It was a happy chatty place, with lots of smiles and of course much to Jon's delight, lots of tea and cake!! Also he praises the hospice cooks to the hilt, he loves his lunches there!
Doesn't really say a lot for my cooking does it? haha..

The staff are wonderful, he has done a lot of art work there, they have a fantastic array of things to do, which again he didn't think he would fancy, but he was wrong there also. It's a bit of fun and relaxation and brings a smile to my face when he brings home things he has made..

This is Jon standing with some of his (and others) art work, at an open evening at St John's Hospice.


The nursing staff are in another league, they take such good care of everyone they come into contact with, patients and families. Two in particular spring to mind, Elaine and Helen, but all the staff are so friendly and  do their jobs  to the highest standard. These are the kind of people I know I can trust to look after the most precious thing I have in the world, my Jon.
Elaine is the manager of the day center (I think lol) and has the measure of Jon, she knows when something isn't quite right without him having to say a word. This why I can trust all of these angels with my Jon...they care!!
Helen is my support, I have sessions with her every few weeks and have come to trust her with my inner most thoughts. Safe in the knowledge she wont judge or betray my confidences. I wasn't sure at first that this sort of thing would do me much good, but Jon told me to "give it a go" and if it didn't work out, nothing was lost. So I did.....and I'm so glad I did! Helen is such a great help to me and will continue to be as we go through time with this monster that is intent on taking my Jon from me.

Another thing that we have both been lucky enough to have had a part in, is the Christmas Party, so much fun!! The staff and volunteers, the entertainers, the cooks, all went out of their way to make it a fabulous day.

Jon having a brilliant time at the Christmas Party, lovely to see the smiles!!

I could go on so much longer in telling you how wonderful this hospice has been for Jon and myself, but I think you have got the idea by now. All of what they do, day in day out is funded by donations....these donations come from all walks of life. People who give up their time to do sponsored events of every type imaginable, to people who give just what they can. All of these people are so important to the upkeep of the hospice, which in turn brings help and some happiness and comfort to patients and their families, while going through such awful times in their lives.

I just want to say a huge thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all at St John's Hospice Wirral, for "being there" for Jon and myself.