28. The Last Goodbye

My darling Jon passed away on the 7th November 2014, and on the 19th November we had his funeral and said our last goodbye.
The days leading up to the funeral were harrowing for me, constantly shaking inside and virtually unable to function properly. The day of the funeral was almost too much to bear, I wasn't sure I would be able to go through with it. But my children were there right by my side and assured me I would get through it.
I remember the hearse arriving outside the house and the feeling of numbness that went through me....
The family got into the car and we set off for the last goodbye.
Arriving at the crematorium I was amazed at the numbers of people who had come to pay their last respects.
Out of respect for Jon's courage in facing lung cancer, the ladies wore pearls (if they had them) and the men wore the lung cancer ribbon with a pearl pin. Pearls are fast becoming the awareness sign for lung cancer.
There was standing room only inside the chapel.....the hospice chaplin took the service, which was lovely as he had come to know Jon during his time in the hospice. The service was all that Jon would have wanted, nothing too sombre.
My son Steve was brave enough to stand up and speak about Jon on behalf of the family.......I can't tell you how much that meant to me. He did very well and what he said was lovely, but his feelings got the better of him towards the end and his older brother had to go up and help him finish what he had to say.
I have to say that all the children did Jon proud, Jon's daughter Sarah and his son Jason....my children, Karl, Donna, Steve and David, made me so very proud and Jon would have been bursting with pride for all of them.
The boys and Jon's friend were pall bearers, that helped me so much, knowing he was being carried by people who loved him and cared for him,
It was a simple funeral that went along with Jon's wishes, he didn't want a huge fuss.
I had two songs Unbreakable (sung by my sons and a friend) and Swing Low Sweet Chariot, the first was a song for me and Jon, the second was for his love of rugby.
That was our last goodbye to a wonderful man, a man who had shown me the meaning of true love, kindness, courage and such bravery in the face of such a horrendous illness. I have been honoured to have had such a man in my life and to have been able to call him my husband, my soulmate.

It is a month today since my darling left me, he is at rest and I have to find the courage to carry on without him. That is the challenge I face, but I will face it with the same courage as my darling faced his illness.....he has showed me how to carry on when you feel everything is lost.
It will take everything I have to keep going, no one and I mean no one, can know how hard it is to face each day without him. The sadness that at times can be overwhelming and the loneliness that is ever present, even with people all around.
This was not my life plan....this was not Jon's life plan......but it is the plan we were dealt.

My Jon was my life, and I am so lucky to have had him with me for the time we had...he made me proud, he made me laugh, he made me complete.........and best of all? He Loved Me...........and I Loved Him....and I will always love him.
That love is and always will be Unbreakable!